I Heard the Angels Sing
I was raised in a family that had high moral and ethical standards. I can remember being taken to church as a child, and at age 12 was confirmed and joined a Methodist church. I recall being a very sensitive child, eager to please my family and to do the right things. My family was very active in the church. When I was in high school I directed the children’s choir, sang in the adult choir, sang solos in the church, and helped out in Bible school. I still remember being deeply moved as I participated in communion services, kneeling at the church altar and thinking about the sacrifice the Lord had made for me. There was only one thing wrong….I did not understand that I needed to have a personal relationship WITH the Lord, not just be appreciative ABOUT the Lord.
After my graduation from high school, my father was transferred and the family moved to a different state. We were not successful in finding another church to attend, so we became church dropouts. I was searching for meaning and direction in my life, and since I could not decide whether I wanted to go to college, I started a job. As months dragged on, I became increasingly unhappy with my life. I felt an emptiness inside that was haunting me. Nothing seemed to fill it, and I found myself becoming more depressed with each passing day. One day at work, I confided in one of the women about some of the extreme unhappiness I felt. A few days later I overheard her sharing these confidences with some others in the office. It seemed to be the final blow. I could no longer live such a life of emptiness and futility. I had trusted someone enough to share my struggles with them, and she had betrayed me. This was more than I could stand. My depression and despair overwhelmed me. I walked outside to go to my car. I had contemplated this scene many times in my life. I would get in my car and drive it into a tree or telephone pole and put myself out of the misery I felt. I could no longer stand the intense pain.
As I walked across the parking lot toward my car, I felt a strange tug that seemed to guide me over to the nurse’s station at the lumber company where I worked as a payroll clerk. I knew the nurse, having seen her each Friday as she came to pick up her paycheck. I usually avoided her when I could, however, as she seemed to be able to look deep inside me. I knew she must be able to see my misery. But somehow, I knew there was something different about her. She seemed to have a joy that others did not have. And that day, I felt strangely drawn to the one person whom I had tried to avoid.
I walked in to her small workroom, sat down, and said nothing, as she finished with the others who were there. When I was the only one who remained, she asked what she could do for me? I really do not remember saying anything, but apparently the Lord led her to start sharing her testimony with me. For nearly an hour, she shared about the love of Jesus, how He had come to earth to live and die for us that we might have eternal life. Most of this information sounded familiar to me since I had been in church most of my life. But when she got to the part of her testimony where she shared that we must ask the Lord to come in to our hearts and be our personal Lord and savior, I knew that this is what had been missing in my life. Everything that I had tried, even church membership, failed to fill that huge void in my life meant for the Lord Himself. She shared that I needed to be born again, to let the Lord live and rule in my heart.
At some point while she was sharing, I threw open the door of my heart and the Lord came rushing in! I do not believe I said anything the entire time I was in her office. I did thank her for sharing with me, and walked out of the office to go back to the part of the complex where I worked. As I stepped outside into the bright sunshine, I heard some of the most beautiful singing I have ever heard. I now know that it was the angels in heaven rejoicing over a lost sinner who had been found by the wonderful savior!
-Alice Cullinan